are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
