just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
