If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
