Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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