i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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