Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Watching her eat just hurts me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im part way to drunk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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