is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
