I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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