Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
