YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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