I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
