i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He shit in the fireplace
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
