so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
