Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
