You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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