I just threw up on my dentist
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
