there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
