Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
