put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
