weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
