yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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