I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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