i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
