I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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