I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
