This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
