Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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