Plan B is the new Plan A
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
