I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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