I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I love having hate sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
