i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
