We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
