Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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