i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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