So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
