I am puke
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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