i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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