Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
