Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
