Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
