i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize