so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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