The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
