I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
