Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
