on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
