what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
