i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
