since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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