after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
