i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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