Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
