I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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