he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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