Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
