its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
