YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
