Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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