Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
