tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
