How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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