just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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