he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
