Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
