By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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