I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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