I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
