The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
