the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Everclear isn't food dammit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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