He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
