come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize