dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize